It’s Been A Long Couple Of Days

This one was an accident but it turned out to be my favorite ūüôā

Well, I’ve officially missed a day. ¬†I think maybe we all have. ¬†But I spent the bulk of my creative energy going to see my friend Claire, singing karaoke @ The Corner Bar, and working on my costume for Pizzazz. ¬† I’m pretty tired now but I thought I’d post pictures of the costume so far. ¬†And, if a picture is worth 1,000 words than these should be worth at least 160 right?

Nighty night folks.


I realize this is the most pretentious face one can make in a photo... but there you have it.












Full body shot of the costume as it stands now. I still need some finishing touches.

The Hope Of New Beginnings

I would like to say before I begin that I own a Blackberry Storm or Curve or whateveritis…And I hate it. The dang roller ball never works or it always falls out. Bleh. I loved it at first but it’s made the amount of information I send and receive simply overwhelming. Nothing is special anymore. It’s not special when I get an email. My brain is super muddled from the onslaught of information and also the dumb roller ball never works and always falls out. ūüôā

I will now use a turn of phrase which I learned from the classic children’s book “Bunicula” and every time I hear it I see and hear a content dog curtailing his tangent and getting back to the heart of things, “But I digress”:

I had the pleasure of watching the Company Rose dance performance tonight. Bex and Audra were amazing and so beautiful. It was a really gorgeous performance and I was brought to tears several times as they explored themes of the early Impressionist movement.

As they danced I kept imagining what it must have been like to be a group of artists who painted with so much passion and so much emotion but were widely rejected by their community of the supposedly renowned artists of their time. There was a scene (which was repeated twice) where the dancers would try to run back into their fold and be pushed back into a solo by the other dancers. I was positively overcome at this point.

We as artists are so quick to critique each other. Not realizing how damaging and unnecessary those critiques are. We just tear each other down. I can not figure out what has fostered this culture of unkindness (especially in America) and I can not figure out how we can collectively turn the tide. Art absolutely THRIVES in environments of enthusiastic encouragement and love. Why we don’t recognize this and support each other so that we may experiment freely (even if only to fall on our faces) is beyond me. But we constantly judge and pick and I promise that I am not the exception. Nashville, sadly, not only carries this mentality at large but champions it and I fear excels at it more than any other city. Some people call it jadedness. My friends have coined the dreaded phrase “The Nashville Funk” to describe the mentality.
What we need is a good old fashioned artistic uprising in this city an abandonment of things past and a culture of kindness and self less encouragement. I mean common people! The music industry is a dead horse we’ve been whipping. Let’s rally the troops and create ART in this town!!! Great great unjaded, unabashed, unbridled form of the celebration of intellect and LIFE! Let’s tear off these death shrouds and reconcile these broken relationships, quit the divisive competitive junk, and love each other. Let’s stop taking from others and use the gifts we’ve been given to innovate and create a new NEW! Let’s redefine song. Be unafraid to tear apart structure and bring new hope to every artist who is starving for new direction. The best songwriters and musicians in the world live here and we are squandering our talent and I THINK WE ALL KNOW IT and that’s why everyone is pissed off and jaded and blocked artistically. Why don’t we push each other back into the process of creating when we are desperately trying to seek sanctuary and bury ourselves in critique and Medicating ourselves?
I actually didn’t expect to rant like this. But I mean it… Is anyone listening? Do you even care? Or is this an unheard whisper lost on the air?

I Sang To You In Parking Lots, You Sing To Me Whenever I Feel Discouraged

I got a fun link on my Facebook page today from an old friend:

and it happened just when I needed it. ¬†As it always does. ¬†Daniel, of the band Millbrook contacted me today to let me know that there was a video floating around for the making of this song “Meet Me In the Fields.”

And probably rightfully so, I have a much stronger connection to this song than I think most people who have heard it. ¬†To the point that I will find my self a sniffily mess when I listen to it. ¬†“That’s what you’re meant for so craft your metaphor and meet me in the fields.” ¬†It’s the kind of encouraging note that I want to have around me all the time. ¬†I have a lot of the notes that I’ve gotten from fans over the years hanging from my refrigerator or flagged in my inbox. ¬†Not because I need to inflate my ego – but because my sense of artistic self is so easily deflated that I need those encouraging notes around me to let me know that what I’m doing has real meaning in people’s lives.

I remember the day that Jacob and I met. ¬†I know that I threw my back out that day while I was reaching for a pillow at 10 a.m. in San Diego. ¬†I know that I was laying on the ground laughing and wondering if I would be able to get up in time for me to get to that show. ¬†I know that Rheanna Downey and her new husband Jesse walked in to see me writhing in pain on the floor and then rushed me to a chiropractor where I had my first electro-shock treatment. ¬†And I remember clearly that when Josh Dooley of Map drove up to The Hub (which was attached to The Regan Years (which for years had been my favorite arcade because I could play Return of the Jedi the arcade game over and over again) that I slid across the hood of his new black truck and was actually truly mindful about not letting the rivets on my red pants rub up against the hood so that it didn’t hurt the paint job of his new car.

I remember Milbrook playing and LOVING it. ¬†And I remember myself playing and wondering if anybody cared and then having this really nice conversation with Daniel and his other band members. ¬†I also remember thinking that they were really nice but were probably only just being encouraging but didn’t like me very much. ¬†I remember going on this tour and loving in and it being really surreal. ¬†I remember coming home and someone being really mean to me. ¬†And I remember getting this email from Jacob with these song lyrics: ¬†how obvious it was that he was just being encouraging and not hitting on me. ¬†And I remember crying in front of the computer screen because I really needed to be encouraged that day.

When I write these words I am not at all trying to be self serving.  I know how special it is to have a song as beautiful as this one actually be written about you.  And there are not words for me to describe how encouraging it is.  And that I have to let it be encouraging.

I think we so often isolate events that once meant a lot to us so that they no longer speak to us anymore. ¬†I could easily say that it was a beautiful song but that it was just written for that last tour and not to sustain my rough moments. ¬†I could easily say that the sheer amount of love that was poured out on me after my dad died by fans around the country was for then and that I have them in a memory box. ¬†But I don’t. ¬†I still listen to the songs. ¬†I still have the presents that were made for me attached to my refrigerator (magnets, drawings, letters) and I still read fan mail and try to remember to be good enough to respond to it somehow (though sometimes I just suck at that). ¬†I keep everything. ¬†And it all means so much to me. ¬†You all mean so much to me.

Hear-in lies the rub. ¬†I am struggling with some artistic discouragement right now. ¬†I am fully aware of how many radars I have just jumped off of because I haven’t released a record in a while. ¬†I want to hear from you guys… What would you like from me (besides a new record, which I am in the process of recording now but it might take a while). ¬†What can I do for you? ¬†Facebook me. ¬†Email me. ¬†Leave a comment. ¬†I would really like to hear from you and I will really do my best. ¬†Do you have any ideas? ¬†I’m trying to get out to your cities… but let me know what cities you live in now. ¬†A ton of you have moved. ¬†There’s always Olympia and Portland and Fresno and and and… where else? ¬†Let me know and I will make it my GOAL to visit you in 2011.

I love you all so much.


The Visitors

Last night was an interesting one. ¬†I am still amazed at the position I had contorted myself into so that I could free myself of back pain. ¬†And I remember last night that I was thinking, “Crap. ¬†It would be awesome to have a room mate or someone here to help me out with that and lavish me in their approval right now, because this is all really weird and I’d rather be laughing about this with someone right now than doing this on my own.” ¬†But there I was… in the strangest position I’ve ever found myself in (and I’m an admittedly strange girl), ice down my pants, and reading a book and no one to share that moment of hilarity.

And then I woke up this morning to discover a huge felled tree in the back yard that knocked out my fence and made it absolutely necessary to fix the double bolt on my door, realized I would be walking Daisy at least 3 times a day for the next 2 months because she no longer has a back yard to languish in, and began to pout.

I just felt so frustrated that I’m living alone and don’t have a lot of protection in case something went really wrong. ¬†And then I got a text from a friend asking if he could use my spare bed for the next week. ¬†I realized at this point and am continuing to realize that I was being a dumbass. ¬†I am totally and utterly provided for.

I mean seriously. ¬†If I have wanted to live with people I have been doing it for the last 2 months. ¬†I’ve only had week long breaks between each visitor. ¬†Bex, my mom, my friend Britt, now 2 other friends visiting back to back? ¬†All except my mom have been last minute decisions (because I haven’t been too sure of my living situation post flood) but I seem to be in a season where I need to be around people a lot. ¬†And I am. ¬†Only today did I realize that I have been complaining (in prayer) non stop that I am alone all the time. ¬†And only today did I realize that I’m alone just enough and around people just enough. ¬†And that everyone I’ve been around (except my mom really) are extroverted and need their space too. ¬†Hard to get when you have a spare bed but not a spare room. ¬†So I find myself accusing myself of being a whiney little wimp these last few months. ¬†When the flood happened I had over 10 people helping me at a time, I had a place to stay, I had friends to hang out with, I had my community. ¬†And goodness gracious: ¬†I certainly do not lack community. ¬†As a matter of fact many of my friendships are growing to that place of depth where I am overwhelmed by my love for them whenever I am around these people. ¬†For it to be happening in mass! whenever I am around groups of people – that is such a blessing.

And now for the sappy portion of this note (I recognize that I’ve been sappy this whole post): ¬†My good friend Claire is moving away from Nashville tomorrow. ¬†She came into the Family Wash to say good-bye to me and we were trying to figure out how and when to see each other next and we both almost cried as she was leaving. ¬†Dang girl… I love you tons. ¬†Thanks for specializing in badassery, and being a strong-willed woman, who can break down in the middle of a restaurant with me. ¬† You are a beautiful artist and a great friend and I can’t wait to hang-out soon. ¬†If YOU ever need a place to stay don’t hesitate to ask. ¬†I will understand if you hesitate because you need a dog sitter ūüėČ

ūüôā ¬†There. ¬†That’s as close to The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants as I will ever get.

Lousy With Back Pain. Lousy With Cures.

Well, I have spent the greater part of an hour trying to get rid of some pretty crappy back pain that’s be following me around since Saturday. ¬†It’s been humorous to say the least as, at Andrew’s house to record scratch tracks for the new album I took several opportunities to lay on the floor while he made jokes or set up microphones. ¬†Or I just sat in my chair complaining about October’s being a foggy time of the year for me.

Recording completed for the day, I then went home to eat before consuming the muscle relaxants that Andrew gave me, take the hottest bath of all time, and sit in the most oddly contortionist position I can imagine getting myself into (thanks to yoga master Rachel Mathenia) with ice packs resting firmly down my pants. ¬†I wondered for a moment what I would do since I am not watching computer generated moving images (or television) until the beginning of November and realized I’d placed book 11 of A Series of Unfortunate Events firmly beside me for this very same awkward moment and began reading.

That brings us to this moment now.  This very line.  Which reminds me of this:

This image is a current costume for girls who want to dress as Pizzazz from The Misfits for Halloween. ¬†If that’s not the slutty version of a costume I don’t know what is. ¬†And though I like it in THEORY… it’s just too… what’s the word I’m looking for here… maybe it’s the girl who’s wearing it… “Hustler Hollywood” for me.

But something lovely that I discovered is a list of every outfit of every character from every episode of Jem EVER.  Which is badass.  I like people very much for being so methodic in their search for useless knowledge and information so that my mental database of useless knowledge and information can just overflow with rubbish.  Rubbish which I quite enjoy.  You can look at that HERE.

And having said all that.  This is my favorite Pizzazz wardrobe from Jem (below right).

I don’t think I have this particular collection of clothing so

that I may dress this way. ¬†BUT… I am also inspired by GASP… this image of Pizzazz Memorabilia (left):

I am also very inspired by a post someone else mentioned in conjunction with this picture on the left and someone playing her in a movie. ¬†When I saw the image I instantly thought it was a brilliant choice. ¬†I can’t say I am a fan of her music at all but I still think it’s a compelling idea. ¬†AND I have to say that her outfit is going to be heavy in the inspiration department as I forage through my own clothes and think about fabric to buy in leu of a costume. ¬†Ladies and gentlemen. ¬†Lady Gaga:

I should probably say that this association came from THIS GUY.  It just reminds me of everything I love about getting dressed.  I absolutely ADORE the process of thinking every piece of clothing through methodically.  I always have.

Alright РWith all that having been said, I am now going to read up on the Beaudelaire adventures and hope that THIS time they make it unscathed and that their parents are alive and well and hidden in a vault somewhere.  Unable to reach them or save them.  Or that Count Olaf becomes a nice guy!

Oh! ¬†Also – Thanks to you guys: ¬†when you search “Jem & Misfits Costume” in Google – my website comes up on the first page. ¬†I mean – I guess it’s not totally random that this would occur, but I certainly didn’t expect my website to come up as I was looking for costume inspiration ūüôā

I am also sure you’re bored of all this Jem talk and tomorrow I will figure out something exciting to say. ¬†For now I’ll just blame the muscle relaxants ūüôā


Jem & The Holigrams vs. The Misfits : Bex vs. Kat


So – As we (the blogging team and I) began to discuss what Halloween would entail it was soon decided by Kelly and David Landry that they would have a party at their house this year and that the theme would be 80’s cartoon characters. ¬†EVERYONE got very excited about this idea. ¬†(Way better than last years failed attempt of my friend Joel and I both being FRENCH MEN for Halloween (I ended up looking like a very butch lesbian and had to alter my costume the moment we saw each other into nothing). ¬†I originally¬†settled on the concept of She-Ra: Princes of Power (He-Man’s sister).


As I thought about this costume the flaws in my planning began to appear right away.

1) ¬†I find it a little more than annoying that Halloween becomes “All of my friends are the slutty version of something day (slutty nurses, slutty cab drivers, slutty police-women, slutty french maids, slutty jewlery makers, slutty sluts, slutty needle point artists). ¬†She-Ra already looks like that very slutty version of something. ¬†(But then again: ¬†She-Ra, like Wonder Woman is infallible in the book of growing lass of the 80’s iconography. ¬†I am not kidding. ¬†I used to pray when I went to sleep that I would wake up and find myself to have morphed into She-Ra. ¬†I also had the Wonder Woman Underoos and would run around the house in those and wristcuffs and a tiara I had drawn out of paper. ¬†I think those very wristcuffs are the reason why I am obsessed with bracelets and accessories in general.)

2) My choices were to either buy or make a She-Ra costume and to be honest I didn’t really have any desire to do either. ¬†I mean, who wants to make a plaster mold of their torso at the last minute so that you can make a kick ass bodice and then sew a skirt, find some jewels AND make a head piece? ¬†And who wants to wear a cheep polyester costume? ¬†You see my dilemma.

So today, as I wandered the flee market with my good friend Tiffany Dupree (who had decided I should be the lead female character in Psycho) I realized that Bex had already claimed Jem.  WHO I ALSO WANTED TO BE SO VERY BADLY WHEN I WAS LITTLE.

In case you don’t know Jem is a rockstar, who is actually called Jerrica by day. ¬†Jerrica was given a hologram machine by her dead father (who also have her The Starlight Foundation – a half-way-house/ group home for troubled teens) to help her grow into maturity and aid her in any epic battles she may encounter. ¬†The Starlight Foundation ran into some financial snags and wham! ¬†Synergy (the hologram machine) created Jem! to help raise some money and also provide the occasional holagram of a tiger or a lion should they ever need to defeat a dreaded foe.

I had the Jem and Jerrica paper dolls. ¬†I had the Jem Barbie with the light up earrings. ¬†I explored themes of what it might be like to have a boyfriend because of Jem’s boyfriend Rio. ¬†I obsessed over Jem like I did She-Ra in the 80’s and loved her dearly, until about 2 years ago.

2 years ago I spent 3 days of being sick and incapacitated in my awesome loft living room. ¬†I also spent those three days watching EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF JEM ever made. ¬†I decided during this time that I didn’t actually like Jem and The Holograms music very much and did not like her music at all… but THE MISFITS… I fell in love with Jem’s nemisis, The Misfits. ¬†After three long days of research I had decided that Jem (and her mild mannered alternate personality Jerrica) were flakey, dumb, gutless wonders with none of the daring themes of rock n roll that should exist in a rock star’s music. ¬†Jem was pretty, she had a good marketing team, her heart was ok… but she had terrible taste in men. ¬†Rio was an astounding example of a man being a whiney little bitch, they had tons wrong in their relationship and she was cheeting on Rio with this total deuche bag, who was the lead singer of a band called The Stingers. ¬† Did I mention that Rio thinks he’s cheating through all 5 seasons as he dates both Jessica and Jem? ¬†I mean… sheesh. ¬† And he’s got HUGE trust issues. ¬†I mean, who can blame him.

Pizazz (the lead singer for the Misfits) on the other hand, was conniving and underhanded with a soft side. ¬†But she never pretended to be anything else. ¬†I also have to say that her vocal melodies were FAR more interesting than Jem’s and so was her music. ¬†I just really started to favor Pizazz as the punk-indie underdog. ¬†Not as pretty as Jem but certainly more talented.

So I have decided OFFICIALLY to be Jem’s nemisis for Halloween. ¬†Pizazz. ¬†And there will be an epic battle. ¬†And this time… THE MISFITS WILL WIN.

But I will let you decide for yourselves. ¬†We’re going to have a good ole fashioned Pole. ¬†Jem & the Holigrams vs. The Misfits. ¬†Let’s set the ground rules. ¬†This Pole is based on whose music you like better. ¬†And so that you can make an informed decision… I am linking a couple songs:

The Misfits

“Welcome To The Jungle”

“Universal Appeal”

Jem & the Holograms

“Deception” (feat. Rio)

“Like A Dream” (feat. the deuchebag from The Stingers)

And Just for the Hellofit… A TERRIBLE SONG with terrible background vocals ¬†by The Stingers:

“Perfect Match”

And in case you’re feeling very nostalgic – Here is the Jem Theme Song:

And Now For The Vote:

I have made an informed decision and here is my opinion on Jem vs. the Misfits:

I promise to post pictures when all is said and done. ¬†ūüôā

Just As I Had Closed My Eyes For Bed… Oh Crap! I Didn’t Blog…

Well, I almost failed the blog challenge today. ¬†It might be bound to happen sooner or later (blogging every day when your life is swamped in hard!). ¬†But I remembered. ¬†Just barely. ¬†Anyways… I am putting in the minimal amount of words today. ¬†Which is 160 according to our pre-set rules for the challenge.

I woke up pretty early for me, after a night of not really sleeping, got dressed, and went to the Artisan Festival at Edgehill Village.  Highlights for me were watching the music portion of the festival, and also playing it, but I especially loved watching Bex and Audra do their first installment for their new dance company, Fall.

I wasn’t there too long before I had to go leave for work. ¬†I didn’t even get to say, “goodbye” to the music festival promoter. ¬†Who happens to be my ex-boyfriend and the fella I moved out to this city to marry. ¬†We are, very luckily, still friends. ¬†ūüôā

Tomorrow, flea market.  I am really looking forward to it.  There.  170 clocked.  Sorry to be such a disappointment tonight kids.  I promise to bring the goods next week.



I will be performing at Edgehill Village in Nashville, TN tomorrow (Saturday Рwhich is technically today) at 11:30 am.  Please come out!  Also Audra and Bex will be hanging from the ceiling.  Because they are, to put it bluntly, queens of badassery in general.

I feel better today. ¬†Not as frustrated or as angry. ¬†But I AM still unsure of how to handle the situation at hand. ¬†Mostly though, I’m just so very sleepy and I have to get up early tomorrow for a show. ¬†So though I have promised my last entries would be brief: ¬†this one will be far more brief than those.

What did I even do today? ¬†Oh! ¬†I slept until 2 p.m! ¬†I actually woke up at 9 a.m. and hit my snooze for the next 2 hours. ¬†But there’s that weird phenomenon of 5 minutes of sleep just hightening the dreaming process. ¬†I don’t know how that works but I had THE most f**&ed up dreams and apparently I was into the torture or maybe I just wanted some resolve because I pressed snooze over and over and over and then finally passed out and slept for another 3 hours. ¬†Oye.

I don’t really remember what my dreams were about but I must have been processing my anger and my fear of loosing things I was thankful for after publicly announcing my thanks because basically everyone I knew had something really messed up going on in their lives or they were dying. ¬†No bueno. ¬†I suppose it did show me how ingrained that fear has become in me. ¬†I guess I need to figure out how to let that one go.

Much more tomorrow.  I promise.

When An Attitude Of Thankfulness Prepares You For The Shit Storm?

So- I’m not going to say much today because relatively speaking, I’m not doing that well. ¬†I will only say that something has gone wrong and that I’m pretty upset about the situation. ¬† After I process what’s happened and I’m a little farther down the road of resolve on the issue I am sure I’ll refer to it in abstract terms only but for now I will just say this:

I think that this “situation” was in the books. ¬†It was planned. ¬†It was coming. ¬†And the attitude of thankfulness and relishing in my love for the people around me and how deeply I, myself am Loved, was meant to prepare me for what was coming. ¬†So that I could make a real and clear-headed decision about all of it.

I will say this too: ¬†I was outside drinking coffee and reading when Daisy took off after a squirrel on the fence today. ¬†I LOVE IT WHEN SHE DOES THIS. ¬†It is soooo funny to me. ¬†Often the squirrel will scream and swear at her when the chase is finished and the squirrel sits safely perched, but heart still racing, in a tree. ¬†Daisy ran up to me triumphantly after she chased after the squirrel today and as the little tiny nut-bearing animal SCREAMED at Daisy with all kinds of furious mutterings and exasperated scoldings Daisy just tilted her head and perked up her ears and tried to process what was being said. ¬†I laughed and looked down at her and said, “See, you don’t really care about how that squirrel feels because you are loved and accepted by ME.” ¬†I have to say that when I said that a little light bulb went off in my head.

That’s all. ¬†I’m done for the evening ūüôā ¬†Night all!

I Am Sleepy. This One Will Be Short.


This one is going to be short. ¬†A day where I woke up feeling rather nauseated did not seem to have much accomplished in it besides reading. ¬†But I want to say this: ¬†I am thankful my brain works. ¬†I have been in seasons where I have been SO overwhelmed by the circumstances of my life that my brain ceased to make sense of books or correctly conjugate sentences. ¬†It is a very frustrating experience to have once been rather well spoken and then realize that, despite your best efforts, your words (words which you have once cherished) are just not falling into the correct order in your sentences or the wrong words entirely are the ones coming out of your mouth. ¬†I have not FULLY recovered (How frustrating is it that I can write and NOT ONCE have the temptation to say the word “like” between the words but I have an utterly difficult time speaking in this manner?) but I believe that I am in the process of recovery. ¬†And again I have to thank my friends in their deep and wide love for me in aiding me through this process. ¬†I don’t know where I would be if it were not for the ones specifically involved in this blog challenge and a handful of others.

I got great news today that one of my best friends, Whitney Williams, will be visiting me from Los Angeles on the 2nd of November for 4 whole days. ¬†I am grateful for the opportunity to have her near. ¬†I can not wait to hug her and love her and talk with her and do things with her and it’s going to be so so so so so very wonderful.

Whitney and I met shortly after I graduated from high school. ¬†She was a friend of a friend and I have to say, I don’t think we hit it off. ¬†I don’t think she thinks so either. ¬†We actually spent the first day of our meeting arguing over the validity of Jewel’s -the saccharine songwriter turned country singer Jewel- right to be a published poet. ¬†This is where my music snobbery kicks in. ¬†I was INCENSED that there were amazing struggling poets in the world and Jewel had been handed some sort of bastardized book deal. ¬†Whitney rather enjoyed her poetry. ¬†I don’t think we spoke again for quite some time. ¬†(We have had the same argument in recent years over Elliott Smith. ¬†I am in love with him. ¬†She hates him. ¬†I am still in love with him.)

However, only a couple of years later we found ourselves to be quite fond friends.  And I think she sensed that I needed to be close to someone between tours.  She offered her friendship and her food (she is an astounding cook) to me quite generously and we became very close, hanging out at least every Friday I was not on tour, if not more often.  I have learned from Whitney a very important lesson.  I am worth fighting for.

When my father passed away I found myself in an ocean of what seemed like some very desperate issues. ¬†I feared being overtaken by them and ¬†Whitney said to me, “I think it’s time that you started fighting for yourself. ¬†You have to look at these situations and think, ‘Am I willing to fight for what I know is true in this situation? ¬†Or do I want to be tossed around by the sea at random?'” ¬†Because of her the grieving process was not harder than it ended up being and in many ways I remain Named because of that advice.

I love my friends. ¬†ūüôā